I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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