Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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