i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
