Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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