you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
