im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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