Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
