Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
