No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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