talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
