Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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