Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
