i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We don't watch enough power rangers
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
