Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
