Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
