The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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