pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
