ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
