Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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