Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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