when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
