I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
