The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
