I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
