I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
