Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
