When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
