You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
