when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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