dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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