2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
i think im in europe. pls send help
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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