I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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