I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
