I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
