There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
