Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
