You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize