I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
