i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
