glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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