FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
