it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize