My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
