its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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