M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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