omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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