forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
