took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Rumble strips road head = magical
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
