Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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