i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
