She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
