I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
