After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
