Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
