I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize