Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
