please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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