at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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