I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Do vagina's smell?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
