she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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