You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
