i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
