I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
