Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
