Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
