It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
