I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
