SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
