i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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