you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The air taste purple.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
