just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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