Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
